Very Long and Very Sad

It was a very long and stressful weekend and I'm very glad it is over with. It was a very sad time at the funeral home today. When isn't it a sad time, but when one is only 20 years old when one dies makes it a bit sadder. It was hard watching my cousin as he sat in his wheel chair watching his daughter that laid in the casket. Watching a boyfriend with tears as all his dreams were gone. The girl he was going to marry next year can no longer be his. A mother, a brother, a sister hold each other was they wiped the tear from each others face. The girl I seen in the casket wasn't a girl that I remembered, she didn't even look like the same person. All thought the accident didn't injury her face, she still didn't look like herself. Maybe it was the wig they put on her because of her having no hair from the brain surgery, maybe it was that she didn't have her glasses on. But what I believe is that she was no longer here on earth the day of the accident. She wasn't alive at the screen of the accident. Fractured her skill in 2 places, 2 very big brain injuries with no activity from the time of the accident. The machines were the only thing keeping her body alive and that finally said it had enough.

Funeral Home

Today my hubby and I are going to the funeral home for my cousin that died. Such a sad day and a waste of a 20 year old young lady that never got a chance in life to grow up, get married, have kids and grandkids. I just know that her grandma (my aunt) and her great grandpa (my grandpa) are now watching over her in heaven. After the funeral home my hubby and I will head back down to the apt. I will not be able to make it to the funeral tomorrow.

This week I hope to at least start on my Christmas shopping. I have not bought one little thing which is rare for me. I'm usually almost done by this time. I think it is just because my joints hurt so much and I don't want to deal with people or people trying to run me over. But I told my hubby that he is going to help me this year with all the shopping...lol

Jenny

Last Saturday my cousin's daughter Jenny was in a head on car accident which she killed a woman driver as this driver was on her way home from Christmas shopping. Jenny had just moved into her first apt that day and we aren't sure if the bookcase she was taken was the reason for the accident. I understand it kept hitting her in the head. Sat. she had brain surgery to remove fluid on the brain and I know she had fluid around her heart and lungs. Many broken bones but could never keep her stable to address them. She flat lined many time through out the week. The doctors tested her brain and at first there was 3% brain activity but only to fine the wires were backwards, tested her again and got 0%, that was last Sunday. Through out this week things just got worse and yesterday some of her organs were shutting down. The doctor called my cousin (who has very bad MS and in a wheel chair) and his ex-wife into a room and they decided it was time to pull the plug. She died 15 minutes later. She was only 20 years old. At first I decided not to go home till the funeral, but I think maybe we will go home this weekend and go to the funeral home instead of going to the funeral. The funeral will take place 3 hours from here and it is so hard for me to sit in a car that long to start with let alone being the one driving alone.

It's Me

Its getting a bit colder out now. We have some snow on the ground here at the apt. Not nearly as much as home has. It looks pretty anyway.

I'm still doing about the same, I have pain in some muscles and joints but I try to do as much as I can without making me hurt worse. I've been seeing a back cracker once a week and that helps at times. That is until the stress comes from the kids driving me nuts. I don't even have to be at home for that, they just call me up to complain.

I finished the curtains a few weeks ago and also made a few throw pillows. I want to start working on a blanket for down here. That will give me something else to do.

Had a nice time at Thanksgiving and of course my mom had to say something about my hair, like normal. She said woman my age shouldn't be having longer hair. Hello, what does my age have to do with a thing?????

So then on Friday, everything was going fine with my laptop and I shut it down and when I went to turn it on sat. morning, there was no wireless coming from my computer. Its gone, said something like no Internet adapter installed. So I went to drivers to update it and it says it has the right update, but still no wireless. I get back to the apt hoping it was just a home problem and again, no wireless signal coming from the computer. I had to plug in the cord in order to get online. So, needless to say, it will be going in to get fixed tomorrow.

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.

HOME?

Its really hard going back and forth between two homes. So when I say I'm home again, no one has any idea which home I'm really at. The apt. has become my HOME since I'm here 5 days out of the week. So, I'm home again....lol It was nice to get away from my stinky house. The smell from the dogs was just to much for me and from what I understand the smell was even worse before the boys started cleaning up after them the day we went home (Friday). Hello, how long do you really think it takes to potty train a puppy, sorry, not this long. If you own a puppy, then that means you watch them every minute and take them out all the time. Watch for the signs that they may have to use the bathroom. Don't just leave them in the house while you go away when they aren't trained, don't just think you can sleep in forever in the morning and think the puppy can hold it that long. I shouldn't have to put up with this inside my house when the dogs are not mine, but my boys. I can't seem to get anywhere with my hubby on the subject. He likes the dogs but doesn't like what they are doing to the house, so what does he say, NOTHING. Doesn't want to look like the bad guy all the time. Hello, whose house is it???? The kids I guess. So, I made sure I brought more winter clothes and a winter coat to the apt. So I don't have to go home to the HOUSE for awhile....lol

Its Beginning to Feel Like Fall

This week as the cooler temps come in I see more and more leaves changing. I like fall but only if it's at least in the 70's....lol. No such luck this week, its to cold for me. I live in the wrong state, that's the problem...lol

I'm slowly healing from the bone marrow and bone biopsy. The doctor said it is like a bruise but on the bone. It will take about 3 or 4 weeks to heal. I went and had my back adjusted Thursday and my back was so tight. We couldn't do all the normal things with it because of the bone. I tell you what it sure did hurt come Thursday night. I don't go back in till next Tuesday.

I'm still at the apt. only going home if I have to. The kids have taken over my house and it is gross, but I'm not going home on the weekends to spend my time cleaning it. Just not happening, their all to old for that.

Very Sore

I'm pretty sore today. The trip back down to the apt. wasn't all that comfy. Once I got down here I had to drive to Rite Ad and get a prescription filled. I drove myself and that wasn't comfy either. Glad I'm not driving to Ohio tomorrow, I could never do it. So, after my DH took off the bandage this morning, I kind of got a look at my back. It's about a 1/8 to 1/4 inch cut. Looked kind of gross...lol Needs some cleaning up, but I need to keep the bandage on for a few more days.

Bone Marrow Biopsy

I had my bone marrow and bone biopsy done yesterday. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I had the MRI done Thursday night, what a trip the poor guy had trying to get a needle in the vein for the dye..lol, the 3rd time a lady came out and got it in on the first try...lol. So then yesterday morning I had to be to the lab at 7:30 for blood work and then the biopsy was done at 8:00. Plus after that I had an appt at the pain management office....lol So, I did what I was suppose to do yesterday which was nothing and so nothing is what I did. I have to take the bandage off today for the first time and put a smaller one on, I'm curious on what it looks like.

Ok, we are leaving to go back down to the apt. today, but not till closer to evening. I'm still going to the food and wine tasting thing Sunday afternoon in Ohio. I don't have to drive thank goodness. I can just lay in the back if I have to. So that's it for me for now.

It's Been Awhile

Ok, I guess it has been awhile since I even got onto my blog. It looks alittle different since the last time I dropped by. I'm sure there will be a few people that might just pass out when they see I have written something...lol

Its really hard to come on here and try to put what I'm feeling into words. So much has gone on in the last 6 months or so that I almost don't know where to begin. And things are still changing from day to day. One of these days I will start writing a draft of the time line for all my medical changes...lol I can already here Miss Dee saying, "Ya right"...lol But if you come on and read this, please say an extra prayer for me for Friday morning. I have to have a bone marrow biopsy done.

It's Only Me

Ok, today is the day that I finally blog something, even if all I say is nothing much....lol. I'm feeling better then I did for the last few months. I have my good days and I have bad days. Sometimes its good weeks and bad weeks. Last week was a good week and now this week I'm paying for what I did last week.

Last week was N's vacation and she came down to hubby's apt. On Monday she ended up having to take her car in to get new back brakes so we didn't do anything. Boy that cost a bunch. Tues, we went to Binder Zoo in Battle Creek, Mi. That was pretty cool. It was a lot of walking. Then we decided Tues night that we would get up in the morning and head to Chicago. Chicago is only 2 1/2 hours from here. Oh my word, more walking and walking. I was in some really expensive stores and some that I could even buy something at....lolol. But early evening we finally got on the river boat and road through Chicago after dark. The buildings are beautiful after dark. We didn't get home till 3am. Thurs, we drove to South Haven, Mi and went to the beach. More or less a lazy day. Friday morning we had to get up and leave for home since N had to work in the afternoon. But I tell you what, I got up and the muscles in the bottom of both feet hurt like no tomorrow....lolol.

So, this week I'm again back at the apt. We haven't done to much, went to a few stores and that's about it. We might go for a walk later on.

Now this one is for Dee, I finally got the sewing machine out, I even figured out how to thread the needle and now I'm all set to sew some sample fabric. But R got home and I couldn't get to it. But there is nothing much on tv tonight so maybe I will work on it some. But hey, I got that far...lol

Next week I will be home, I have 2 doctors appts. I have many questions, I think I better start writing them down so I don't forget.

Its been awhile

I know it has been awhile since I have wrote a thing in here, but I will do that tomorrow. I just wanted anyone and everyone to know that I'm still alive and feeling a bit better each week.

My Life Is In A Stand Still

Wow it has been awhile since I have blogged anything. This one is going to be very short as it is. I'm still having health problems and still don't have any answers. I may not have any answers until July when I go back to the neurologist. If and when I start feeling a bit better I will try to blog about it but right now I don't know where to start. Just know that I could use anyone's prayers.

Thanks

How Thursday April 17th Was

Yesterday had its ups and downs, alot of pain, some depressing moments with the I can't take this much more kind of thing. As the day went on I was able to just sit outside on my swing in the sun, that was more relaxing. I'm not really sure what all this upset tummy stuff is, but I'm still having problems eating. I'm not taking anything that would be bothering it. I'm just thinking that it must have to do with just the body not feeling good, maybe some stress, but its been going on for almost a week now. I get really hungry, then I smell the food or when I start eating that's when it hurts and continues to hurt for awhile after I eat. Could be sinus' too. As for going off my neurontin, it was a better day. I took one in the morning like normal and waited around for my system to start with the burning skin and it really didn't happen. Just a little here and there but nothing bad. Took only one pill in the afternoon instead of 2 and waited again for it to throw a fit, didn't happen at all. Took my pill before going to bed and this morning it kind of was saying it wanted some but I waited until 9am before I took it and now I will just have to wait to see what going to happen from here. After not taking any excedrin in 2 weeks I broke down and took some for the pain, not so much for a headache and guess what it did, it gave me a headache. A rebound headache. So, I won't be taking that again. I guess being off 2 weeks wasn't long enough. The sun is out as of right now, but it is suppose to turn into a cloudy day. At least the temps are suppose to be around 72, I can handle that. I know at the end of next week it is going to be in the high 50's and my RSD isn't going to like that one little bit, hurts more when it is colder and that is what I'm taking the neurontin for in the first place.

On Apr. 16th

Yesterday was a so so day for me. In the mornings I have been taking one less neurontin pill and my body does not like the lower amount at all. I had so much burning and pain on my skin. I'd have to say it would come and go but when it was there it was awful. It seems that a hot flash makes the skin hurt even more. I spent alot of time reading in my lazy boy yesterday. I did manage to do just a few household things but not alot for the joint/bone pain was just to bad. By the time it came around to taking my afternoon pills, I was so ready because I knew I was taking a full dose. I minus one pill in the morning and before bed. I'm not sure how long this will all take to get off of, but I will talk this over with the neurologist on wed. Maybe there is a better way of doing it. Last night my sleep again was very strange. I went to bed around 10:30, woke up at 1:10, 4:00, 5:30, 6:00, 6:30, 7:00 and got up at 7:30. I know that still isn't a restful nights sleep at all. I think all the joint/bone pain is what keeps waking me up. I feel like my mattress is one hard board right now. I hate when it is time to go to bed because I know I won't sleep well at all. It was a beautiful day yesterday, in the 70's and lots of sun, just a little to windy out for me. Today is suppose to be about 70 and partly cloudy, but I hope to get out some in the free air.

So Much For That Idea

Last night around 9:30pm I started all of the sudden getting the numby/tingling feeling in my face and left arm again like I had 2 weeks ago. In that time frame I was taking the drug that was making my more dizzy, light headed and upset tummy, which I didn't take at all yesterday. The drug was for the joints pain. I did do some arm exercises while laying in bed last night, not sure if that is playing a part. Still could just be the neurontin, I don't know. Makes me go back to this is all a nerve problem again in the end. I just don't know. I also only slept for 5 1/2 hours again, I wake up from pain in the joints and bones as they crack and hurt when they move around. So my little sleepy pill just isn't giving me the whole nights worth. I wake up and then my brain won't shut off. So after 2 hours of trying to go back to sleep I simple got up. I'm having more neurontin effects with the lesser amount of pills. My skin is starting to feel like it is burning and on fire and I can only think that it is my system not liking the lesser amount, that started Sunday night but went away after taking my morning pills. But last night it didn't go away with my night time pills and is still here this morning. I do find that the afternoon and evenings is when I feel worse. I'm trying so hard not to keep thinking about all this stuff. After yesterdays family doctors appt. My spirits were pretty high except for the tummy hurting bringing me some what down. Thinking no, its probably all the neurontin because I haven't been having much numbness going on in the face and arms, if any it was very light and not all the time, just a now and then and not lasting long. At least I'm still seeing the neurologist next week. Its so hard to put all of this in the back of the mind when the feeling of the numbness, feeling the joints hurt. How do you say to yourself, its just not there, you feel nothing, you feel normal when it reminds you every minute that it is there. I'm tired of feeling out of breath, just breathing can be hard with just a plugged up nose. I have to keep taking deep breaths. Now I know my oxygen levels are fine, they were 97% when I went to the hospital and I had a cold/sinus' problems when I went in. I've been dealing with a cold/sinus problem for over a month now.

Today's Drs. Appt.

Seen my family doctor today, now I hope I haven't forgotten all she said today. She is now thinking that my problems could be from the neurontin also. She thought I looked alot better today then the last time she seen me. She still wants me to lower the dosages of my neurontin and maybe even try to go off them. Which I know that in itself will be painful, but if it makes the joints happy then I'll be happier too. If that is the problem and I can get off them and stay off them for at least a month to get it out of my system then at that time we can try to find something else that might work. She also said hormones could be a problem also, but we aren't dealing with that just yet. So, NO hormone pills for me at this time. She still wants me to see the Neurologist next week and make sure there isn't a nerve problem going on. Most of my joint pain is on the right side of my body. I've had several days of an upset tummy and we think that is from the pills she gave me 1 1/2 weeks ago, which is a drug that is in my file not to take.....lolol, my file is such a mess and the nurse has stuff all over the place so she just didn't see it. She said OPS, sorry. I haven't taken any today anyways, I cut myself off of them yesterday. So, she gave me Motrin. I will fill that prescription tomorrow. AT this time she is thinking that Fibromyalgia, MS and Lupus is NOT an issue at all. If all fails, there is another specialist that she will send me too, I just don't remember the name of that one...lol I didn't end up going off my gum today, just was to stressed out and thought this is not the time to do so, but within the next few months I plan on being off them. I have to start slowly in getting rid of them. She is also not worried about my white blood cells being so low. Both test were done by different labs and each has their own way of doing things I guess. She said I could be fighting something off right now and that to just get tested again in a month.

So, my mom went with me today and made me go get some soup at Time Hortons, got soup, roll, a donut and med. pop. I ate the roll, drank the pop, had about 5 bits of the soup, ate some crackers and that's about all I could get down. Then we went to Walmart and Aldi's and now I'm home resting on a heating pad. Shoulders were over worked with the stick shift in my car...lol I'm so tired, I only slept about 5 hours last night. Everything is just draining me these days. I have no energy to do anything. I'm trying to get some exercise in but she don't want me to over do it right now. Little at a time and not much either. Oh, I lost a bit more weight. 3 pounds in the last 1 1/2 and for the most part I have been eating more food too. I'm trying to eat at least something 3 times a day. Get a bit more fruit in me. I stopped all the diet pop. I've had caffeine free coke 3 times in the last 1 1/2 weeks. So, not sure what is up with that. But really in the last 2 1/2 weeks I have lost 8 pounds. So, I'm now tipping the scale at 123. About 8-10 pounds less then N and she isn't happy about that either....lol

Where To Begin (I Wish)

I wish it would be warm outside all the time, with lots of sun. My body feels better then, not like totally, but somewhat better. It gets cold, it gets damp and then I don't feel as well. I wish my sinus' weren't bothering me. I'm trying so hard not to take anything for headaches or sinus' at this point. I just keep taking my vitamins and the normal prescription which at this point I'd like to throw in the trash and start on a new drug. Sometime I feel like I need to even drop all the vitamins, even though I wasn't taking most of them when the pain all started. I feel like a abnormal person in this world. I'm trying so hard to keep my spirits up but that become difficult with so much pain. My muscles are so weak that it makes doing anything hard. I want my old life back, I want to feel normal, human again. I want to be able to do things when ever I want and I just can't. Each day something new hurts, something that hadn't hurt before and with more pain then that means more sitting or laying around and the weaker my muscles are getting. But if I try to work the muscles, that gives me more pain. I just can't win here for nothing. I'd like to just get through a day without having to think all the time about it or have to think about what could be wrong with me. The choices I have for what could be wrong aren't good, they are all life time problems. Could it all have started with stress, my environment? Those are possibilities.

This Is Hard

I so don't want to talk about how I feel things days. The more you talk, the more it has to be real, yet I know it is because I'm feeling it. I think if I could just get my white blood cells up I could feel so much better. We just need to find out why they are so low.

My niece had surgery yesterday and I missed it. Just couldn't sit there for it. She came out of it ok, but all through the night and today she is sick, throwing up, poor thing.

N got another job so she will be working her normal job and doing part time work at a Daycare run by the wife of someone my hubby works with. That's going to be interesting.

C finally moved out over spring break. So now it is just down to D at home. Finally...lol So during the week D helps me and then hubby comes home on the weekends. Not great when you have a wife sick with something no one knows what it is yet. Even if we aren't in the same room at least I know he is in the house and that makes me feel better.

It's Been Awhile

I know it has been awhile since I have wrote. So many things have changed since then. I'm having a few medical problems and I'm just not on the computer alot. As of right now, I just don't feel like trying to type it all out. I just wanted to let everyone know, I'm still alive.

Under The Weather So To Speak

I know it has been awhile since I wrote anything on here. I'm still fixing my music files when I can but have been spending alot more time laying on a heating pad. My joints are in so much pain that it makes it hard to lay down, sit up or walk. I will be calling my obgyn tomorrow, see what can be done to relieve this problem some. I'm at DH's apt now and forgot the phone number so I will need N to find it for me. This is the first I have been here in 2 months. Feels kind of weird. I walk in and it was oh yeah, I need to put the snowman stuff away...lol. I really thought I'd would have been back here before now...lol The drive down here was very painful, shoulder blades mainly was the problem for the last couple of days.

D came with us for his spring break and has lots of Math to work on. I need him to get it done before we go back home or as much as he can get done. He has 5 days. He is running out of time for this mail in class, he needs this credit to graduate and that is in 2 months, he has 1 1/2 months to finish all of this and we have to remember there is mail in time, correcting the paper before it is mailed back on the grade. I can get the grade online but he still needs to take the final test and that has to be sent in by the high school. So I will be on his butt all week to get it done.

Hair Cut

Monday my daughter took me out and got my hair cut. All the straw like hair is gone and it is alot shorter, but feels so much better. I think I would like a bit more off the top though, so I'll have to see about going back in. She told me I had no protein in my hair and that's where most of the problem is.

Tonight I'm going to my sisters to check out her and my nephews cell phones and then later on this evening I will order a new one online. My battery won't stay charged and it is cheaper for me to get a new phone then buy a battery. I will ended up getting a 100.00 discount since my contact is up.

I'm not happy with D, he went and did something that I told him he had to wait till he was 18. It makes me very angry and I'm not happy at all.

My Saturday

I figured I better blog about something, anything or I was going to get yelled at again by Dee. My day was a do nothing all day long. DH calls me on his cell phone (from downstairs....lol) to tell me the movies we watched at the apt. a few months ago were on again. So, him and I spent 10 hours watching a Janet Oke series. 5 movies. One of them I had missed about 1/2 the movie the first time we watched them. So, from 1pm till 11pm that's what I did. This morning I was downloading more music, but this time it was for ME, ME, ME...lol

My New Heaty

So for the last couple of years I haven't been able to find my heating pad. I washed the cover, put it back on and haven't seen it since...lol. So today while I was out getting blank cd's to burn the cds I put together for my hubby, I decided to get me a new "heaty". My back so needs it and its a nice big one so I can wrap it around my sides too....lol Matter of fact, everything we got today but 2 things were all onsale. Saved like 31.50, love that kind of savings.

After coming home, I finished burning the music and laid down to watch prison break and csi miami. N watched csi with me, she was here all day. I was alittle worried about her drive home since the news was talking about alot of black ice and shutting down part of the highway, but she made it home safe and sound.

Finally

Ok, I'm writing a small entry just so Dee gets off my back....lol. I haven't been doing much but downloading music, filing them and getting them ready to burn for my DH. He has to travel 2 1/2 hours one way to go back and forth to his apt. This will give him more to listen to and make the trip go by faster.

Its been cold here and we have gotten lots and lots of snow. One day we got 17 inches here at my house. A few days later we got another 3 inches, about 3 days ago we got another 2 inches. But, today it is raining so we are losing some. I'm so over this winter and snow...lol

I found out yesterday that my auntie in FL has lung cancer again. She had it like 16 years ago and last round of chemo was 15 years ago. This cancer is a different form and in a different area of her lungs. She starts chemo again on thurs. for 6 weeks. I called her and told her that I'd fly down there at any time if she needed me to. She has some really good friends that live in her park plus her pastor lives in the park too.

I Can't Believe It

Well I can't believe I haven't written since Jan 26th. I guess I really haven't had much to say. I've been dealing with a cold which is feeling better with each passing day. I'm still working on my music files and that's about it...lol We have a new blanket of snow on the ground, its still freezing outside. DH is still at the apt. due home after work today, YESSSSSS over time, wonderful. So there is the story of my boring life, add a few kids in the mix, some fighting and that makes up the dough of my life....lol Oh, D and I are going to go to N's work tonight and work a few hours doing inventory. We did it last year too, only took a few hours.